Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize