look no pants
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
