The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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