Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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