So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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