Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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