so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
