I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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