your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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