finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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