chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
