He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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