he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
