either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
