An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
