My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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