She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
