Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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