The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize