She's JV to your varsity
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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