I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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