After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
