Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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