i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
