I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
