I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
