Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
