this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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