My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
