yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
