It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
