He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
