she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
