i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
