Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
