birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drunk is not a location!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
