After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
