are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
