i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
