After last night, I could never be a politician.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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