she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
