the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was born a porn star she said
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
