i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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