I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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