Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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