READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
