I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
