a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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