Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
