o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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