A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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