i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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