guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
