So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
