new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
