omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
