No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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