i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
