i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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