I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
