I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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