Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
