Moan for me like Helen Keller
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
