We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
