I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
