Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
