I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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