I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
