We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize