Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
